How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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