I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
