I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
