Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
