I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
