I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
