just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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