And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
