i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
