"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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