New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
third nipple confirmed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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