So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The uberlube is also flammable
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
