I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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