who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
