I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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