What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
