his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
