that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like eating out sand paper
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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