Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
