is your mom at the bar?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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