Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
