he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
