and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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