I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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