I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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