do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
