I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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