May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so let's talk penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
