Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize