I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize