your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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