oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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