Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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