I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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