You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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