i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
