dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
