I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
false alarm. still invincible.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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