margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
