Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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