omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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