____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
