420 ftw
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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