haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
