If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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