Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
