There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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