Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
