Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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