So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
