Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
