Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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