Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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