just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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