ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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