I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
