A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we should paint friendship bongs
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