Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
