I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
