his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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