Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
