We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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