bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
