i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
