Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
