If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
