i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
