i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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