Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
