What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
