Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
