I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize