so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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