We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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