Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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