While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
