return my video game
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she peed on how many people?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
