idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't turn off my feet"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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