But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
