Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
