well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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