so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
