having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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