Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
