covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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