Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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