that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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