you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
