his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
