Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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