So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
