ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Randomize