now i know why i became what i already was.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
