conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
