Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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