I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
