its not stalking. its research.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
