This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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