remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
