so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
