ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
