I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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