dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize