Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
