I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
