i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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