the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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