i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
